Have you ever had a saint or spirit guide reach out to you? Do you believe in synchronicity? What about the magic of eBay?
I like to carry rosaries with me at all times. I give them as gifts. When its not creepy or weird, I even like to have them ready to give to strangers, should the occasion present itself. I was running low and decided to look on eBay (for the first time in years) for some gently used rosaries. Seek and ye shall find.
There were dozens and dozens of rosary “lots” available for auction. Some were lovely, some broken, some so dirty you could almost smell cigarette smoke and moldy dust through the screen. I got good at discerning which lots were basically clean outs from a parents old basement versus ones which were lovingly handled. When I looked close, I could see evidence of hours of prayer, residuals of grace, of desperate invocations on the beads.
I was (shockingly…who knew others were seeking as I was) outbid on a few lots and forgot about the process, until one early morning I received an email saying a bid I’d forgotten I’d placed, won.
The lot consisted of 12 complete rosaries accompanied by three or four bracelets with a strange medal attached. As a born and raised Catholic, I like to think I know my medals. I’ve had my Christophers, Thereses, Judes, Miraculous Medals, Our Lady of Guadeloupes, Anthonys, Michaels, Joans. This medal was strange and different to me, with lettering I didn’t recognize and images not often on medals. I told myself “Oh it’s probably eastern Orthodox” and put them aside. I cleaned the rosaries and placed them on top of some rose quartz crystals in a gaudy, 1980s serving bowl that I kept from my parents house, and set the bowl under the Virgo full moon to ready them for gifting.
Then it got weird.
First, the same week I read a twitter exchange in which a lifelong Catholic who also worked in healing arts and used various folk practices, mentioned that the medal she used most for protection was Saint Benedict. Specifically, the women in her family attested to the medal’s talismanic properties. She may have included a picture but I didn’t look too closely, just filed the information away that I would check the medal out soon.
Then I listened to one of my favorite esoteric podcasts where the host interviews all sorts of magicians, occultists, historians, mystics, and researchers. This episode focused on a Catholic Benedictine monk named Father Robert Nixon. This monk has published books and translations of stories considered a bit too weird for traditional, mainstream Catholic publishers. Stories of healings by Mary, visitations with angels, spirits, miraculous occurrences that push the boundaries of rational thought , or what we consider faith. Father Nixon mentioned that there exists a devotion to the St Benedict medal and cross because numerous stories surfaced of people who wore his medal and were thus incapable of being “cursed.”
His story captured my imagination partly because I had a strong feeling I knew what my strange medal would turn out to be, partly because I am fascinated by the idea of curses. Can people really be cursed? What exactly makes something a “curse” and why on early would a medal protect one from such a thing? Do people still abide by this thinking in 2023?
All of this medal intrigue was happening at a time when my alignment with institutional, dogmatic religion, Christianity, Catholicism was shifting in a way that felt very “once and for all”…the end of a years-long process of moving away from the “Church.” My faith absolutely remains, as do many of the prayers and devotions I have used all my life. But I did not envision myself seeking protection from so called demonic forces if it meant aligning against what mainstream religion considers bad. I feel much more sympathy at this point in my life for those burned at the stake than anyone who felt “cursed” by witches and justified in their prosecutions and persecutions. The idea of curses and who gives them seems very wrapped up in patriarchal practices which are more about control than protecting. The whole business seems like a power grab.
My own faith practices involve energy healing, tarot, and a spirit-led dive into the study of evidential mediumship. They are much more feminine, and of course, considered suspect in some traditions. In these circles, I have found many like myself, who were raised with religion with its good and bad, and have had to move beyond its strict boundaries.
I decided it was time to look up my new medal (I donated two of them and kept the one on a bracelet that actually fit me) and consulted the ultimate oracle: Google Photos. Sure enough, there it was. Unbidden, I was the proud owner of a Saint Benedict medal, full of letters and invocations that made no sense to me. I looked up the meaning (too long to explain here but it is easy to research online) and found that it calls in protection against evil, ill wishes, threats, and invokes the peace of a happy death.
I was happy to wear this new talisman…I believe in asking for divine protection and I had been thinking that I was about to enter a new phase of spiritual work with mediumship (although the dead do not scare me). I thought that perhaps instead it would be useful in guarding against my own “demons” like fear or lack of confidence, or laziness. Even more specifically, despite some confusion over the idea of curses, I did think that perhaps the medal and a devotion to Benedict could help me heal a specific connection to the past that had been “haunting” me. In further reading about the Benedictine cross and medal, I learned if the bracelet or necklace one wears with the medal on it should break apart, that means a curse has been indeed broken.
Then it got weirder.
I wore the bracelet to bed after wearing it for a full day for the first time, and had a long, vivid dream. It took place at my parents house (sold years ago). The dream had me dealing with sprite-like, creepy children, an older female spirit guide, and the constant presence of “forces” outside which were rumbling and noisy, but ultimately powerless over me. I stayed safe in the dream and was able to protect the young child I was caring for in the dream. When I woke up, the bracelet was broken and the medal was positioned politely on my pillow right next to my head. Benedict had my full attention.
I read more about him and and two main things jumped out at me and made me realize why I need to add him to my “spiritual team.” First, he is often described as serious and disciplined: two qualities that I have actively been trying to embody. I believe he’s here to help me do that.
Secondly, I have read that he, like many saints, I suppose, can be called upon not just for a happy death, but for safe delivery of new souls, babies. So, Benedict walks between worlds and helps people with transitions from death to life. He will be a perfect helper with mediumship even though many would consider him too traditional for such an undertaking. He may be reaching out to me to remind me that there is much I still don't know.
I generally don’t worry much about who may be cursing me, but I believe in energetic hygiene, in holding myself accountable for how I interact with people. I know I navigate the world completely differently when I pray and ask for divine assistance. I believe wholeheartedly in the unseen. In the presence of guides who can assist us in navigating this complicated world.
My encounter with this saint and my obtaining of a medal I didn’t even ask for through the magic of an online auction made me wake up even more to the power of the unseen. The subject of power, in general, is the message Benedict seems to be pointing to here: power to believe, invoke, engage. Power that should be taken seriously and not used to harm or mislead. I think he wants to shake us from spiritual ennui and helplessness in a time when the very air we breathe is turning toxic and institutions are crumbling. We CAN talk to the dead. We CAN ask for divine assistance from saints, angels, wise and weird ones who have gone before us. We are gatekeeping too much in the interest of trying to look sane in insane times. We need to let the spirit break in if we are going to survive, to thrive.
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